I recently got into a terrible mood. Nothing unusual for me- I am typically in one of my moods. But this one was different. I felt... terribly depressed, yet incredibly alive. And I took a few minutes out of the day to think, to write. I don't have much experience with posting my things online- Typically speaking, I don't even tell my closest friends what exactly I have been thinking and feeling. But this was different... I felt like I could share it, and that it would be understood by those who knew me, and perhaps by those who don't. In essence, I decided to create an "About Me" that would show how I thought. It turned into a bit of a rant, and if you are still chugging along, please excuse the bit of page rape. Heheh. I ramble when I muse.
About me... as in, my name?
I am Row.
Row- a nice, shortened form of my online name, Rowena.
Ah, Rowena. The name that I came up with, that I loved at first sight.
But that isn't truly who I am, is it? Rowena herself is my online persona, I'll admit that... She is who I wish I could be in real life, free from worry, a bit of a tease, a ready wit, a keen sense of observation- In essence, the woman I wish I could be offline as well as on.
Rowena, and "Row"- two sides of the same coin, eh?
But when the etchings wear off, what do you have but a lump of metal?
I am Myself.
Ah, that is much better. Myself is something I can use to describe who I am whenever I wish to. But who am I, inside? I know what I think I am... what I have used as an analogy whenever someone asks...
I am a clover, in a field of roses.
Plain, simple, easily hidden by the beautiful blooms around me. I myself cannot hope to compete with the roses when they are around- their fragrance, shape, and colour are all together more pleasing than that of a clover. Perhaps one day, though, someone will find the clover, hidden beneath the blooms of the field she inhabits. After all, clover is persistent. And it doesn't take kindly to weed-killers. And in the end, though you try to get rid of it, the damned thing will pop back up. Basically, it's a non-blooming dandelion. And... clover blooms make pretty strong chains when picked and tied together.
I am unknown.
And how true that statement is- I don't even know myself, not the way I should. I am a quandary, filled with oxymorons and paradoxes. I myself can never tell if I am feeling happy, sad, or something in-between.
I am a liar.
I lie easier than anyone I know- Most days, I can't tell if the lie is the truth or the truth is the lie.
I am an actress.
I hide my emotions easily, able to pull on a mask of deceit and trickery to hide how I am actually feeling inside. Most days, I don't know if the mask is the true feeling or the true feeling the mask.
I am a thinker.
I was once told that I need to just stop thinking- Just look at what has happened already, in the short time I have been typing! An entire page rape of an entry, heheh. Truly though, my thoughts ramble like this on a daily basis- I rarely have anything else to occupy my mind.
I am a wanderer.
My journey is just beginning, and I hope it continues down the path I have chosen.
Listening to: http://www.playlist.com/playlist/14693772299
Reading: The words on the screen.
Watching: The screen.